Twilight Sucks! Emo Vampire Song : The Key of Awesome #3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gINuQiE77E&feature=featured

Arument:

What are the consequences of the new Twilight series on vampires worldwide?

Claim: The new Twilight series has ruined the lives of vampires across the globe.

Reason: The new Twilight series has changed the public perception of vampires so that traditional vampires are no longer considered seductive.

Implicit Assumption: Whatever detracts from the seductiveness of old-fashioned vampires also ruins their lives.

Audience:

People who dislike Twilight and/or pity old-school vampires.

Goal:

To convince people that Twilight is not an accurate depiction of traditional vampires, but rather a modern distortion of the classic mythical creature.

How:

The lead singer is himself an ancient vampire (roughly 600 years of age) thus lending credibility to his argument. In fact he is an authority figure on this matter and his mannerisms are in direct contrast with Edward's actions which proves his claim. He gives the example where he, the classic vampire attempts to seduce women with no restraint, but Edward the modern vampire, just pouts and runs away. His assessment of Edward is spot on. Edward is not a real vampire. He does not act like one. Nor does he share any of the common attributes held by vampires of the bygone era. Thus the claim is accurate.

Effective:

The argument is very effective. The evidence is clear and indisputable. Twilight is not an accurate portrayal of vampires. This series has caused horrific repercussions in the lives of vampires from Transylvania to Tennessee.